My Emanuel

Emanuel.

lol. Makes me laugh every time I say it. Such a sweet, stubborn, sexy man. We met in a VERY twisted, weird way. Something they could write the beginning of a movie on. REALLY funny. I was filled with pure B.S. by a "friend" right off the bat. the things she said about him piss me off and I KNOW piss him off even more. Generally, when you meet someone its so easy to be with them in the beginning. SO EASY, usually. It's that love at first sight-can't get enough-I WANT YOU EVERYDAY- type of deal. Emanuel was VERY DIFFERENT. VERY VERY different. He had alot of history, history that had nothing to do with me. He had things in his life that really didn't make much room for a ME. I, OBVIOUSLY knew none of this nor did he tell me. Why should he?EMANUEL made it VERY hard for me in the beginning. He knew what he wanted and he told me EVERY TIME HE COULD. Normally, I would think anyone else would have seen that he didn't want much, although he liked me ( i know he did) he was interested in other things. A girlfriend, especially one like me wasn't at the top of the list. Again, I knew NONE of this. I can say he never led me on. (well a little) But, it wasn't something he didnt have complete control of. He's smart with his way (I'm smarter with mine lol.). In the beginning, as I was learning about him and learning from him there were things that threw me way off. We didnt initially spend alot of time together. He always told me, THATS THE WAY IT IS (bullshit). He was stuuubbooorrrrnn... I think that alot of it was him keeping me at a safe distance. VERY safe for him. He had alot on his life, who knows what I would be to him at that time, if anything. One thing I learned about EMANUEL that might explain alot of the beginning angst is that he has a sorted history with alot of people. mainly, past relationships. Not your run of the mill NORMAL relationships where you meet someone-date them, Love them, doesn't work out move on. No he has a YEARS long history. (always worries me where I fit in) So when he met me. FRESH-never knew me before, he didn't take it seriously. I was always good to him. Always am. its funny what a place he has. He has SUCH a huge heart to those he lest see it. HUGE. He cares so much about his friends. He can be a little selfish and impatient but, like I said before that's him and as he has ALWAYStold me. You take me as I am. If I could say the same thing to half the people I come in contact with i'd probably feel alot better about alot of things. I always feel responsible for upsetting people or doing things for others. That's a lesson you can learn from my Emanuel. It's funny. You read this and you say to your self, What did you see in sticking around, why did you stay if his mind was everywhere else? He has since told me that I was a chance he took (thankfully it worked out)

I didn't know ANY OF IT, I always thought it was just HIM. All that I was going through with his was just HIM.(it wasn't) I thought maybe it wont "happen". To Emanuel you have to be REALLY special to REALLY know him. Thank god I do. Hes truly amazing. He makes me laugh and loves me (finally) like I do him. He made it so hard to get to know him. I just knew with all the people he surrounded himself with who ABSOLUTELY love him. There's a reason why they would take a bullet for him. I know why. Theres no DOUBT why its so easy to love him. It took him sometime to know, I was ok. He has a HUGE support of love around him. I saw that RIGHT AWAY. So easy to see why, you just have to be patient. VERY VERY patient. He's such a good guy. I can't possibly do that heart of his any justice in words. I knew all along he would fall for me. Its not hard. I am Pretty AWESOME myself! lol.

He started to cave for me in October ( I met him in June). He had things get a little complicated and I was there for him NO QUESTION. There won't ever be a question as to why, when and how I will be there for him (as long as he is there for me as now he has been) . He made his mistakes with me, he did. He knows it. I know it. We move on. It stings but, we move on because like he said and I said. That was then, this is now. Plus, he knows- Nicole KNOWS ALL ALWAYS :) lol.

Now, after ALL THAT. It's so good. He does things from time to time, I want to ring his neck. LITERALLY but, he knows he has a good thing in me and I in him. He doesnt have to EVER change who he is, I accept him and because of that I think he makes ALLOWANCES in what he does or how he does them (he doesnt change but, he tries, for me to do things just a little different and that works, REALLY well).

It feels like doing things backwards-like we did, may work to our benefit in the end. I know I see him EVERYDAY. It's funny, I can't wait to get to him today and eat yesterdays left over sushi! I want to make a mess of paint too then fall asleep in his bed while he plays wow! (lame I know but, I wouldn't have it any other way)

I was in the car and he asked me a question... See if you can figure it out by my answer.

I do because of everything you are in everyway you can be. You're amazing.

Love you Emanuel.