So.... Christmas is 12 working days away and I am FREAKED without presents!!! luckily last year I bought a bunch of presents for family I never saw so I am going to RE GIFT those. I don't even have the motivation to make a xmas list of my own. Although STUFF always makes me feel better when I am BLUE... Yes I am BLUE as blue as they get..I am getting really frustrated with certain circumstances that make me believe what I always have. People are never really real. You cant just have a relationship with one person and keep it that way... Other people always get in the way and 90% of the time people cant separate the two. I never mix peoples opinions or situations with my own situation or scenario. If my experience is positive with someone REGARDLESS of what someone else tells me or what they are personally going through I could give a fuck. I value people more than that....Whatever, It always happens. That's all I can really say. I just always think that some relationships should outweigh others... I have always cared just a little more about people than they care about me... Generally people are circumstantial... whats in front of their face is what they take at value.. Never thinking of what someone else may go through.. I hate that I give a fuck... I REALLY DO.... Why cant I just be shallow?
Seems to work for everything else!!!! Never been in me... I am easily brusied by others... theres always two sides... ALWAYS... People only want to know or hear what they want.

CADAVER PEN!!!

Im really excited... I now have a plastic surgeons skin marker... I think it may be used (accoording to the source of the pen)... lets hope the surgeon hasnt done any penile enlargments or vaginaectomys and we will be fine...

This pen makes me happy. I wrote my self a note.
HI SELF...
Its on my hand... It will be there for DAYS I am sure... I will probably play doctor and mark myself up for pre-op....
YAY!!!

Sadness...

I havent blogged because I have been scared. Litterally ashamed of what I have been going through that I dont want to share it with anyone... Isnt that sad...? I just want to say that I am deeply hurt by a situation that I thought could/would not happen... sometimes I want to know what I DO to deserve ceratin things.... They always say the people you love the most are the ones that can do the most damage... I know its true... Its actually a VERY obvious statment... :( Ill be okay... I always am... Im like a little sugar ant who eats to much suagr and runs around... I want to stand outside and run around and stick my tounge out and pretend I am catching snowflakes like a moron... that would make me happy... A lot of things would make me happy but, I just want one thing to make me happy... It was working until now.... listen here ONE THING.... I am special.... It is christmas... WISEN UP!

Theres only one me and I am pretty damn special! Not like ride the short bus special but, like one of a kind emerald kind of special....

Christmas is going to be good if its the last thing I do!!!! I really miss having a fun, spirited christmas... THIS YEAR WONT PASS ME BY!!!! I shouldbe had an extravaganza....

I had such fun last year...

Possie I desperately wanted a photo of you but, as you know...VINER SCHNITZEL LA DOUCHE FACE is in all of them